Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
