Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
