I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Found the puke drawer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
