There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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