and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
