Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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