Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
