Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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