Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
