i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize