The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize