Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
