At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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