our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
