Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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