What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
