I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
