If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
