Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
