With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
