Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
