covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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