Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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