if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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