It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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