so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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