hell yes lets make some ravioli
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
