I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
