last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
