he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
this hospital has no fireball
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize