Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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