piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my being single is dangerous.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So apparently I’m into choking now
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