She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
