I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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