my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
zippers are such a cool invention
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Drake has all the answers
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
