my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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