Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
