Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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