My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
