found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
