Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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