I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
