i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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