And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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