i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
