I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
