I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
