first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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