Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
