Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
