I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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