If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
