I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
