this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
