Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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