Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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