Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
