Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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