If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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