You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
