I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
