Only a mothe r could love this liver
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
