In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
