i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
