i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
