So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
