i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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