i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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