My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
