This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
