If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
