Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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