i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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