please come you make the beer taste better
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
