Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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