Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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