I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
