Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
