Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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