is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
