Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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