we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
