Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
