i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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