Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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