My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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