i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
