You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
