i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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