One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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