Ambien. No doubt about it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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