she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
