I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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