i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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