i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
