Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
