i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
