dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
