Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
