I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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