i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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