I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
