Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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