If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
