my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We are two peas in an std pod
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
