I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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