I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
