dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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