I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
