The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
